Acceptance

I enjoy the silence of being alone. Something about it has always made me feel safe and secure. No one with me to pass judgement. I guess that's something about myself that I really ought to take notice of: my self-esteem. I always feel like I'm going to be judged, that I have to be absolutely perfect in order for anyone to like me. Like the new job, I'm still getting the hang of it but here I am worrying if any of the other employees enjoy my company. I think that they don't, they may despise me. Nevertheless, I am trying to push aside all these doubts and make the best of my new work place. I really am addicted to work. I think if I had a job where it came home with me I'd be a workaholic. I can already see myself as an architect...kind of like Adam Sandler in the movie Click.


But hopefully I won't scare away the three people (well two to be exact) in my life that are keeping me sane and happy:
Mary. She's my number one friend in the whole world. Without her I wouldn't be the same person. She's taught me plenty life lessons even though she's younger than me. I can truly look up to her. Sure she's not in school and she smokes the ganja. But the one thing is, she's not afraid to be herself, to be Mary. Me, on the other hand, I create a mask for people. Mary knew that school wasn't for her, she knows who she is and you can tell instantly that she knows and that she's happy with it. I want to be like her one day. I want to be someone who accepts themselves for who they are.
Then there's Selene. She's an iguana. Only a year and a half but I love her. She is absolutely adorable and sweet. I never want anything bad to ever happen to her. We have built a relationship with each other and seeing that we have come this far only means there is much more progress and love to be acquired. She started off scared and skittish, not really trusting me but now I clean her cage, feed her fresh fruits and veggies. And she doesn't mind. She likes me for who I am. She knows she can trust me with her life. And that right there is special. It's a bond that I intend to nurture.
Lastly, Justin. If there were any person to be perfect if would be him, Justin Gleen. I've never really cared if I was with somebody but boy oh boy do I now. One hour away and I'm only wanting to see him. I've spent every waking second with this man for the past year (we've been dating two years) and have not once grown tired of him. Nor have I had second doubts. I love him and he loves me. Around him I don't have to be anyone else. I can truly be myself and he loves it. We laugh at all hours of the night. At three in the morning we could be up making up silly phrases. jokes, or games and just laugh until the sun comes up. I know with him that I don't have to be afraid. I know he accepts me and that anything I do will not weird him out. He truly likes the real me. He doesn't care if I'm perfect.
He loves me. I love him.

I guess that's all really. Nothing too crazy. Just writing away, as if this were my journal. So if my writing style bothers you.... Well, I don't really care.
I'm happy. 'Nuff said.